Reflections



For me Sundays are a day for self reflection. It is both the beginning and an ending to a week. I try to look to the week behind me to think about what I did that made me proud and look to the week before me to think about what I can improve on and what I don't want to allow myself to do again. When I woke up on Sunday mornings in college, my hangover from the night before reminded me what I didn't want to do again (but always did), the mountain of work I had remaining told me what I could improve on, and seeing remnants of my design projects around the room showed me what I was proud of that week. My reflections centered around the small things with my dreams always hovering above, feeling like I couldn't even spend time thinking about them, for fear of losing my sense of practicality. As dreams I thought that they should remain there, in some fantasy land, only coming to fruition once I finally reached a level of stability and had time to 'waste' on more frivolous things such as dreams. But as I mentioned in my first post, I'm learning that the time is now to go after those dreams, because there's no sense in wasting time doing anything that takes you further away from your dreams and happiness.

I was again reminded of the importance of living in the present when I went to a service with my family this morning. (Note: Religion is not a topic of this blog. I am merely giving credit as to where I got the topic from.) The spiritual leader talked about how we all chase after stability and tell ourselves that once we attain it, we can be happy and enjoy our lives, but the chase is all a ploy because not only is stability nearly impossible to nail down, once you reach it, your life has passed you by, being filled only with unhappiness. We should instead be glad in the fluidity of life. This is something I continue to struggle with both as a recent college grad and as a new mom. I tell myself 'once things get settled...' or 'when I get this done...' but those times never come. The next big thing in my life happens and I continue riding the wave of discontent further from stability without rejoicing in the happiest of moments. Certainly stability is still something we all want, but aren't our dreams and happiness beyond stability? Why wait on stability when we can enjoy our lives in the present while working toward the dreams that matter most? We are building foundations for the future, but for a future that is self chosen and that adds joy to life instead of leeching it. Stability may come with time or it may not, but time will not be wasted waiting for it.

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